welcome to the black parade

love this song. hahahahahahah.

wasted day. so many wasted days.

guilt.

she wanted to talk to me today.

so she asked me about my plans for my future. and how do i want my life to be. and what kind of path i want to take. she explained how important is it to plan now.

and then mentioned my father. how rude i am towards him. how unwilling i am to talk to them. and then she said it will make them feel much better if i were nicer. and since he's so nice and a great dad, i should show some appreciation.

and then she wants my teacher's number. she wants to discuss with her, about how to help me in my studies.

HEY AM I GETTING IT HERE? i really dont understand you know. why and what are you doing?

firstly there are reasons why i treat my dad like that. it bloody hell takes two hands to clap. so, okay maybe i'm too much and getting out of hand.

I DUNNO.

okay so i'll try to be nice. and to respect. and to talk nicely.

but i hated it when you said i did badly for promos! oh my fuck do you know that i improved!?!?!? and that's the bloody point okay. dont come and tell me that i didnt do too well. because you dont know whats happening in school. you dont even ask. and then. you tell me to buck up. of course i will okay. i know. i know i know.


okay i'll be sensible. i'll do everything that is right and nice at home. and i'm not gonna act like oh how so badly i'm gonna be affected when they get married. and how sad he chased my sister away because she's moving in.


things just happen. and i'm gonna just accept it. and yeah. NO BIG DEAL.

but stop planning out my life for me. or even force me to do it.

no one really cares

OP sucks. hai. i suck la. i'm not good at it. i'm not good at speaking in front of crowds. my confidence level is basically, zero. hahaha. okay maybe not so bad. just that ms ye said i spoke too quickly, a little soft, monotone, bla bla bla. damn it. so depressing. and the Q&A part also gone. fucking hellllllllllllllllllll i hate it. i hate to be inconfident. i hate it when people say i'm quiet. i just hate it. haha. i dunno what's my problem since i am quiet by nature. but fuck. i dunno. it's me, it's not me, it's me, it's not.

okay full of shit. forget that.

today was nice! hahahah pri sch outing. supposedly.. in the end only gladys, jocelyn and me turned up. so 3 of us went to sentosa. we had a fun, relaxing time.. just lying down on the sand. and get cooked. i'm darker now so happy! hahaha. then yeah. one class from jjc came along. and clara and meiyee were there! said hi and stuff. hahaha. so happy again to see old friends. yea. so we soaked in the sun for about 3 hours... then went to eat at sakae! nice nice. but not the buffet one though. yeah.. then we went to vivocity. sat on the stairs there at the rooftop. sooo nice! cooling weather and all... then we took pictures. today is super NUA DAY. hahahha. lying, stoning, sitting. only at the end we walked around a little. then home with gladys. hahahah. love pri sch gang. we should hang out more la.. and give ourselves a name. hopefully the christmas/coundown thing will be on.

and then yesterday, last day of school. got back our result slips. not very happy stuffs.. forget it. then after school went out with raine, grace and jing yu. haha. went to marina square. subway. walk walk walk, talk talk talk. haha. met sean.. then jx and melvin.. met melvin's friends at the vilage. then... starbucks, sean's house. hahahah.

so fucking op dryrun is up next. then chinese a levels. then the real op. then odac odac odac. KRABI! and studies studies studies. it never ends. it never ends until december next year. yeah, so look forward to that.

what mr lam said to us that they was quite.. erm motivational i guess.. something like.. no matter how stressful and miserable it gets, it's just 2 years, and it'll end before you know it. so press on, and dont stop loving yourself. hahahah. means something to me. well...

so much to learn.
so much to improve on.





fuck.



confidence!
confidence!

it's not something you feel, but something you act.

yeah go on, magnify your problems.

i should stuff by brain with shit.

haha.

finally the holidays are here. op. chi a level. and then odac and studies. and then krabi. CHRISTMAS. cant wait. sigh.

dragonboating on fri was FUN! hahah. luckily they didnt cancel it because of the haze. i was actually hoping they will.. but nvm. yeah good they didnt! enjoyed it very much. plus johnson the instructor. amusing us with his jokes. and he's really nice. teaching us and everything.. and kallang river's quite nice. haha. that bridge place there. after that we went to KFC at kallang there. dunno where. yeah.. results is such a big topic to talk about. and then yeah.. i really dunno.. hai nvm.

then yesterday was... piano. god. i suck suck suck. i havent been practising hard enough. and i know my teacher is quite pissed. hai. and never do theory homework.. hai.. aiya nvm la. small thing. just gotta put in more effort.

then after that went out with sean and jx.. I LOVE ESPLANADE ROOFTOP still. then watched movie. the prestige! so nice. love scarlet.

there are those who only choose to treat their friends nice and bloody hell despise everyone else.

there are those who want so badly to be cool.

there are those who love to magnify their problems and think that they have the worst lives in the world.

there are those who just go on and on and on and on complaining about everything.

there are those who are just so freaking insensitive.

there are those who just really love the world to revolve around them.

there are those who are really fucking nasty and their only purpose in this world is to make others feel like shit.

there are those who must reject all the old and ugly from their lives.

there are those who just wont give chances and discriminate others right in their faces.























maybe look at the positive side. thank god for these people that we have something to learn from.

and of course, dont have to bother much about it.

hai. my dad is getting more and more irritating each day. i shall be sensible.

MFB!

first it's my dad.

then it's bloody OP.

and then, it's all those people.

do i care. i dont have to, seriously.

anyway this week was quite horrible. as in it's really a pain going to school. especially OP is a piece of shit. that fake interest and smiles i have to give. i like my group members but the thing we are doing. oh please. and it's really sad the only thing we talk about is PW. so hope that we can have more than that. and feeling so tired everyday... dunno why. gotta lighten up!

but the most irrtating one is still... argh better not say it. it'll be a great sin and probably go to hell. and he's GF is coming to town! omg........ and because of that, he changed the toilets, cleaned the house and packed everything up. that isnt a bad thing. so nvm that. stop freaking shouting at my sister. so bloody obvious that you've everything against her! even over the smallest thing, shout. scold. i know you want her out la okay.... and how is that gonna fucking make me feel. although i havent really been a great sister and all. argh! okay now i sound like fake. probably should blame myself as well. should really control myself and stop being so mad at her. okay. being an elder sis, fail. and great, helen is gonna stay with us. he is going to pretend being nice. i know that's a natural thing to do. and start calling me chiu xian. and i, have to pretend again. i really dont give a damn okay. but i'm gonna have to go and try to talk. made worst when my chinese sucks.

forget it. give people a chance. acceptance. haha.
and also, it's not too late.. TREAT CHARLYNN NICE.

feel like fucking shit and empty inside. all that forced smiles. all that fake interest. all that shallow talk. i'm a fake. i lie. i'm sorry.

seriously dunno what's my problem.... argh. everyday it's like passing by. without anything really happening. always feel like, i'm in it, but i'm not really IN it. and that it can be all sorts of shit.

i dont look forward to anything at all.

99% of what i feel is hatred and fear.

haha.

post promos

haha. hazy sunday. with nothing to do. probably fetch my sis later.

past weeks have been quite nice.. with odac coming back. and being able to go out with grace they all without worrying about studies. haha.

results out! C for bio.. E for the rest.. and failed maths.

i'm quite alright with it. haha. next week start a new. study again. gotta worry about a levels.

anyway yesterday was SA's open house. and odac had a booth near the rock wall there.. and some of us attempted to climb. hahahhaha. i am so freaking demoralised. the wall is damn hard to climb oh my god..... and only jason, yuda and minqi managed to pass the half mark of the easiest route. haha. oh well... the next two rock climbing sessions we must conquer that wall! and prepare ourselves for krabi trip. hai... depressing.

the night before. bunch of us went to xiu hui's house to stay over! hahaha. damn fun. some played mahjong.. the rest just slacked around and played card games.. dumb dumb games made us laugh like hell. haha. then i'm quite a weakling. only edmund and me slept for the last 2 hours while the rest continued to play until we had to leave the house. had breakfast in macs.. then went for open house. saw some familiar faces from bbss. hahaha. hopefully they come to SA. haha.

after the open house suppose to meet BMS. i reached home, planned to rest a while before calling them. but wtf the next time i opened my eyes was already 1145pm. hai. yeah.. so i slept for 11 hours. till this morning. haha.

and..... haha. shall go have breakfast now.

continue later.

finally blogging. haha. dunno la actually nothing to say also wtf just that promos are here and i've been quite a slack just reading through notes and thinking that i still have many days but actually there's only one day left to bio. not prepared for maths and geog and totally having time for it man.

hahahahah but these few days were pretty fun. hanging out with BMS. SO FUN!! and melvin's birthday yesterday. please tell us we're the sweetest friends. okay the highlight was, we were in bugis TCC. then after dinner, we blindfolded him and walked him all the way to the DHL hotair balloon and brought him up! and the best is he totally had no idea. it must have felt reaaaaaaaaaaaaaally great. knowing nothing and then suddenly you take off your blindfold and you're rising up in a freaking hotair balloon. though its the most unreal one. sad thing was jx and i didnt go up! only sean and melvin. haha. but totally felt happy for him. hahaha all in all i guess his birthday was quite a success, despite the flipflops. hahah.

i just cant freaking wait for christmas to come.

i just cant freaking wait for all these to end.

i just cant freaking wait for A levels to be here.

so that soon, every goddamn worry will be gone.

but of course,

life's all about enjoying every moment of it!

you know smelling the roses and stuff.

so yeah, take it easy.

and fuck why the hell my msn cant work. please dont tell me i have to full restore the whole thing.

oh god.

I MISS ODAC PEOPLE.