I have to, SNAP OUT OF IT.

Oh my God.

What a great year indeed! With 2 semesters with good results, and getting the fyp that I want, by getting SINGLE-listed from all the rest after submitting my proposal on pangolins. That was success I felt. And this semester's result is so good. GPA from Year 1 Sem 1 to Year 4 Sem 1: 3.08, 2.99, 3.13, 2.88, 3.83, 4.08, 4.7.  Freaking 4.7. That is some climb. But, it felt like I had this planned right from the start, do well right at the end and try to get at least 2nd lower class. so now, I'm at 3.49, just 0.01 away from a 2nd lower... Sigh, the only question is, why didnt I do better during my first two years in Uni. Would it still be the same if I had the chance to relive those years? Guess it would be, as I still hate those modules that I hated. But then again, if I had been more awake those first 2 years of my uni life, I could have done better. Much, much better. Yes I was hibernating in 2008 and 2009. I was childish, and unaware. Well now... I still am... but trying to improve. And to grow up. Seriously, need to grow up. Yes! FYP in 2012! I HAVE TO GET MY A! Work hard Richalynn, and work smart.

New year resolutions....
Learn to love.
Learn to be confident.

Thats what I really need for the better of the rest of my life.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Really can't trust my heart.

What do I feel? How to love? 

Numbed. I just wanna go away.

Just want the truth from myself. What is it? Cant I face it?

2 more days and I'm off to Guangzhou. Or Zhongshan, where my aunt lives. Hopefully it'll be a good holiday with dad and aunt. And of course with d later on. Kind of exciting because its visiting a new place. But then shouldnt expect too much or think that it'll be real fun, because with no expectations comes no disappointments. Oh yes how pessimistic to live life by this... motto. But... it's kinda true sometimes.. most of the time. But.. shouldnt indulge myself...

I'm such a stay home person nowadays! I actually avoid going out. Probably being anti-social right now... How did i spend my holiday? Reading, cleaning my room, re-watching movies, taking care of my pets, yoga, weekends with mum and charlynn, spending a lot of time with d, ran 42km, climbed 63 storeys, watched lion king musical, occasional outing with some people... And I'm contented, safe...

Super passive mode now.

Today I found a new pet, the rhino beetle! I've seen these beetles land on Blk 426 a few times before, since its a hilly forest just across the road from here. I dunno why they like to fly here. Many buggies love to end up in Blk 426. Coolest so far are the praying mantises and the rhino beetles. Pretty moths are also not a rare sight. I so love my home. Anway today is the first time I am keeping this cute beetle! Now its happily settled in a small container with soil, twigs, longan, a piece of apple, and water. Okay maybe its not so happy since its hanging on the cover right now finding a way out? Anyway some pictures of it from my not so great phone camera.

 Found it on the floor...

 Closer look.

 As if a greeting from him.

 A wee bit clumsy, and cant seem to flip himself over. 

 Moved it to a plant

 Taken with flash now. Very beautiful creature!

Dusty back...

Nice horns.

Front view

New home!

Happily munching on my longans

And now its struggling to get out! Since its so strong, able to carry things 250 times its own weight, lets see him lift up the lid. 

One by one, off they go. 

And yes, I'm probably just not interested at all. But, I believe in phases, and this is just one of them.

shall i start blogging again?

hahhaa recess week now. 2011 now. march now. what the hell is going on?

still searching.... still finding...

but what?

i.

must.

control.

sigh. probably didnt matter to you. but it did to me. sorry.

i need to learn that, if i really want something, work for it.

and not think that, somehow, it will happen after all!!!

hello. yes hello. stop lying to yourself, and thus the whole world. you are not brave at all. its a mess. will time clear it up?

a night to remember. 22 june 2009. <3

its all in the mind.

life lesson number 1: dont be a bastard.

what the hell is "dont push"? COME ON RICHALYNN....... PRACTISE TROMBONE.

one of the best birthdays ever! :D:D:D 4 times of celebration with dearest primary school friends. especially gladys, ttb, hy, wx, alan, jocelyn and jellynn, and especially especially gladys, ttb and hy for being there everytime. means so so so much to me, i feel really blessed. thanks for the support during my performance, for the wallet, birthday cake, giant balloon, gladys house, hong yi's house, all the alcohol, mahjong sessions, HTHT session and indian poker, the contagious laughter from gladys and jocelyn, the so many nice pictures...

and today with band mates. thanks trom section for the gifts, and dinner.

couldnt have been better. loved the company.

haahha. gonna practise trombone and piano hard!!!! pass my tp!!! read more books, and jog!

BMS next. :)

enjoyed today. once again feeling really happy. such simple yet joyful events, sigh what more can i ask for. first was the meeting with JAZZNUTS peeps. fun came at night when we went to a pub at singapore flyer. martin, dale and i. was actually gonna learn lindy hop. but we ended up not. haha. just sat and chatted. awesome part came when martin went up to jam with his trombone. gosh, so damn good. amazing, inspiring. plus the dancing and everything. sighhh. i am so inspired to practise!!!!!!!!!! hahaha. thankful for the company. already a happy birthday.

best nights of my life!!!!!! its like celebrating my birthday for 3 consecutive days. it was really really really great. and i am so happy!!!! first was thurs night. the jazznuts big band performance at blu jaz cafe. it was an awesome experience. playing live music for a group of dancers. best part was when all of them faced the big band and danced in synchronization, to our music. omg. indescribable feeling i tell you. this whole jazz thing is like a new world to me. and its totally sucking me in. i really really wanna improve on my music. sigh.

and then pri sch friends came to see me!!!!!! love them so much la! thank god for friends who'll always be there. weixing came too, surprise surprise! after the absolutely wonderful performance and dancing and singing, went down to the 2nd level to join them. had so much fun!!! chatting, crapping, drinking, taking pics.. standard stuffs but, so much joy, laughter. i'm really just so glad, so happy. next day was meeting up with them to get my gift. felt bad, but still, thanks so much. dinner at new york new york was nice. free wine! haha. met mum after that, to celebrate charlynn's birthday. it was pretty nice. though spent bout 1 hour searching for a place to eat. mum's always fun to be with. after that went to hy's house, mahjong with them. had a first ride in wx's car. :):). tonight! gladys house. my birthday celebration! with dearest pri sch friends... mahjong, dinner, cake! and indian poker lol. so much chat. LOVES.


keep making it happening.

just had one of the most amazing nights of my life. never thought i would have this chance, to perform with a live jazz band, in a pub, with bloody damn good dancers, and in the tribute of frankie manning, the legendary lindy hopper. really would like to thank dale, martin, and my fellow jazz nuts big band mates, made all possible. so honoured. so blessed.

make me wanna freakin improve on my trombone playing!!!!!!

dont wanna lose touch with the people, music, and dancing.

dance on.

you could have just said it. it wouldnt even matter.

:(

exams now. pretty alright. 4 more papers to go... then holidays... wooo. i dont even know whats up ahead. just take it as it comes. but of course there are things i must do. just wanna relax... and enjoy.

unforgettable.

hello blog.

i have 5 lab reports, and one whole chunk of biology to study. all to be done in the next 3 weeks. yay at my procrastination. i can probably say byebye to 3.6 gpa this sem again.

this was from about 2 months ago.

goals in the next 5 years of my life:
driving license. (practise and luck)
above 4 gpa for next exam. (lots of studying)
go to sydney. (lots of money)
go to philippines. (lots of money)
wmc. (lots of practising and lots of money)
INSTEP. uni of newcastle. (lots of studying and lots and lots of money)
grade 8 in piano. (lots and lots of practising and some money)
2nd class honours and above. (lots and lots and lots of studying)
ANZCoL. (lots and lots and lots of studying and lots and lots and lots of money)

i still want the same things! maybe cancel out the holidays to sydney or philippines. cant be too greedy. i gotta work for it richalynn... sigh. time has been flying by fast, way too fast for me to catch up and be in control.

i really would like to choose to believe, and would like to wait. despite the fact that its so fucking obvious that i'm gonna be left in this drain. urghhhh this sucks.

time will heal after all.

concentrate on whats important! like BLOODY EXAMS IN THREE WEEKS.

and i should really be a better person at home. i know i'm rude, but cant seem to control it. sigh! perhaps its high time to go back to church. seems like i'm losing myself.

something just hit me right now.