MATHAN!

haha. watching horror movies with mathangi is really a joke. she screams at every "scary" part and it's really funny! the colic and 9:56 just now. LOL. hahahahahaha. laughing like hell after everytime she screams. sean, melvin and me. hahaha. really fun watching with her. anyway today, suppose to jog, study, BUT. as usual none of these happen. end up slacking in sean's house. and then hanging out in west mall and watching 9:56, which is really dumb and un-understandable. haha. but had a fun time with 3 of them. hahahahha MATHAN YOU SO CUTE!

and yesterday.. was saints odac jog. coooool being the IC. though didnt do much. just brief and stuff.... and was quite slack. stopping and everything. sigh. then only around 13 people turn up i think... cause the rest overseas, or some other reasons. hahaha. it's okay... experience.. hopefully.... i do better next time. after the jog... got the krabi talk and everything. then we went home. and met up at night to celebrate geok's birthday! hahaha. yumin, mel, weihao, ziyi and me went. hahaha. was great! hope geok you had a nice birthday. =) we watched step up. 2nd time for me! which i think it's worth it. not bad movie... with the nice dances and all. really nice. inspired to dance! hahaa. then... we had dinner at swensens. and a birthday cake surprise for her! hahahah. so sweet.

stayed over at mummy's on monday. haha. love her house la. hai. so my sis is moving school again. somewhere in hougang. no more her next year! that's kinda sad. sigh. if things gonna piss me off next year, off to mummy's house. sigh... sounding like i'm making use of her.. ahaha. nvm. KAN ZHE BAN.

studies is really gone case. not much time left. really! please pray hard that i'll buck up next week. finish up chemistry. and then after krabi trip, maths. bio huh. byebye lor. haha. and next year, major happenings:

A levels. (to study hard for it)
Piano practical exam.
Music theory exam.
OEC.
LTC.
lots of activities in odac.

okay la... not that bad la. SO FUN!





happy birthday to you. =)











haha.

=)))))))))))

haha. yesterday was so much fun. spent with tian bee and weixing.. my 2 very good pri sch friends since pri 1. it's great la. that we're still in contact and meeting up every now and then. and it's only recently that we opened up to each other. and tell "more than that" stuffs. yeah.. it's like more personal. and close. that feeling. hahahahha. anyway.. we went to k box. and as usual.... SIGH. haha. half of the songs they sang i dunno. cause why? chinese songs. totally my fault that the mood isnt so high. but yeah.. quite alright la.. then we went for dinner.. and chatted at weixing's house downstairs there.. the playground. lol. it was nice.

THE WORLD IS TURNING GAY.

haha. today... sigh. slept. and slept.

piano exam and theory exam next year. NEXT YEAR. which is like 3 months away. and i'm halfway there. oh god. better buck up. and also studies. touched nothing yet. gonna start tomorrow. next week onwards. STUDY. and PIANO. priorities. and everything else after that. must read book. haha. and clean room. bla bla...

relax. relax. one thing at a time.

sigh. sigh. sigh.

just floating.

today's kayaking was great! although i totally suck at it really. cant bloody control the kayak, and pedal in a straight line. and backward pedal was totally crap. hahaha. but it was fun. and the capsize drill. damn scared at first. but actually quite alright la. just dont panic and stay calm! yeah. but really. i'm not a water person. i dont like water sports. and i think it's twice as straineous as on land. is there such a word haha. anyway. next kayaking session next next week. gonna be tough! anyway it's also those nice instructors that make such courses fun and enjoyable. really feel sad when the course ends and you'll feel like, that's it?

didnt join the odacers for dinner.. met melvin and sean. hahah. westmall forever. had dinner. and sat at kopi teh and chatted happily. so nice. hahaha.

yesterday... hahahah. handed in GPP early in the morning. and then... had trek dryrun. which was alright... well the games are gonna be fun! hope i conduct them well.. sigh... why am i still afraid. fucking shit.

and on monday. "escape". didnt know it only opens on weekends. mon to fri, closed. so we went to vivo... haha. okay lor. catching up with them. nice. then watched flushed away with sean. not bad la... quite funny. haha.

so yay! finally one day free tomorrow. gonna practise piano.. read book. do theory homework.. and just stay home and chill. haha.

helen just left without saying anything! and my dad also never inform us. so it is probably that they think i dont care, so not bothering to tell me.

I DUNNO LA.

sigh.

hehe

haha.haha.haha.

another one stupid full of things week coming up.

monday. escape with xueting hweeting huili and sean! so exciting cant wait to meet them.

then tuesday. have to go back to school to hand in gpf. then after that got trek dryrun.

wednesday. odac. kayaking.

thursday. THANK GOD nothing on.

friday. odac trek.

saturday. piano lesson. and kbox with weixing and tian bee. yay!

sunday. haha. free.

haha... when will the time come when i wake up everyday not knowing what will happen and just take things as they come.

anyway friday night was pretty fun. went to watch midnight movie with melvin and sean. after that went to xiu's house to stayover. well i'm quite a weakling so after a few games of bridge, the bridgers fell asleep while the mahjongers played on till 5 plus. we woke up at 10 plus. had breakfast cum lunch. then home. i went to mummy's house. hahaha. started to slack like crazy. played warcraft and watched movies. and sleep one thousand. haha. quite nice... sis and me. then slept there and next day continued the slackiness. met danchen just now it was her birthday. had dinner with her and my sis. hahaha. nice catching up with her. OMG AMERICA WITH HER AND WU YI SOUNDS SO FREEAKING NICE! hai really wish i could go. but i still dont dare to ask my dad. hai.. still not on good terms with him and helen. sorry la omg. i really cant bring myself to be so nice suddenly. it's not like he's so nice to me. parents and teens problem argh! just fuck. i'll try. i'll try.

what else... no time for studies.

no time for piano.

where's that interest.

time to relax

hahahh PW IS OVER!

so happy. end of it. i dont give a shit what grade i get. the only thing it has contributed to my life is, misery. hahah. maybe not. of course it was nice to work with christina, huiqin, farhana and keert. hope yeah... we'll continue to talk and stuff. haha. anyway op yesterday was fine. not as bad as i expected, so hooray. then spent the rest of the day with BMS.

today... was suppose to have trek dryrun. but rained. so met BMS. yeah.. and stuff. came home early today.

anyway it's the holidays!!!!!!!!!!!!! i should rejoice. and just relax. and although there's studies to worry about.. and odac things.. just take it easy. and find time to do what i like. and of course cant wait for christmas. but i guess this year's wont be as nice. i miss so many people, and cant wait to meet them soon. i wonder how it would be like if i spent my time:

staying at home and spend time with family.
really taking care and giving the cats and the rabbits and the guinea pig and the terrapin and the plants serious attention.
jogging regularly.
reading the newspapers everyday.
clearing up my room.
doing housework.
studying.
playing piano and reading books.

and not:

going out.
going out.
and going out.
and the only thing i do at home is, using the computer and watching the tv.

sigh. and i just realised... actually. i have been the fucked up one at home. not that i have only realised now.. but i am regretting that i chose to ignore everything. and being rude to my dad. and not trying. not trying at all.

and also not understanding some people at all.

it's just what you choose. choose to think, choose to behave. when you actually already know what will happen.

i also dont know what i'm talking about. but anyway, perhaps it's time to forget and let go. and not start blaming myself. and start afresh.





MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR.

also, seek to learn and improve.

dont demand things from me, and fucking act like i owe you a living.

dont assume things about me and fucking act like you know me damn well.

it is very irritating.

=)

My past entries have really been emo. but that's what my blog is for. haha.

finally the week i've been looking forward to is here. but it's not so nice after all. cause i have to go back to school almost everyday. just now went back for op practise. and tomorrow again... plus odac stuffs. then actual op. then handing up one stupid I&R.

sat and sun was really nice. ahhaha. stayed out whole night. my dad is really not caring about us. just as long i'm back before they wake up, i'm safe! goodie goodie. stayover at sean's with melvin. and sitting at macs with kaijie and sean. coool.

eve, my kitten died. rest in peace.

piano totally sucks. due to lack of practise and very inconfident playing. of course i still love it very much. so, nope i'm never giving it up.

and danchen asked me to go with her to AMERICA this dec to visit wu yi. it would be really really really a miracle for my dad to allow. sigh. impossible.

this is the last week i'll slack. and start studying!!!! hahhaa.

cant wait for christmas.

look at the big picture. stop pointing out minute flaws.

goodbye, eve.







so nice. really really nice. hahahaha.

what the hell is going on?

haha.

totally loved playing catching (crocodile) with jx and sean and that little boy, justin.

totally loved playing shoot shag or marry with jia xin and sean. though it'll definitely bring us to hell.



really love the fact that A level's chi is tomorrow.

really love the world.

really love my family.





just cant wait for next week.



just a phase.

welcome to the black parade

love this song. hahahahahahah.

wasted day. so many wasted days.

guilt.

she wanted to talk to me today.

so she asked me about my plans for my future. and how do i want my life to be. and what kind of path i want to take. she explained how important is it to plan now.

and then mentioned my father. how rude i am towards him. how unwilling i am to talk to them. and then she said it will make them feel much better if i were nicer. and since he's so nice and a great dad, i should show some appreciation.

and then she wants my teacher's number. she wants to discuss with her, about how to help me in my studies.

HEY AM I GETTING IT HERE? i really dont understand you know. why and what are you doing?

firstly there are reasons why i treat my dad like that. it bloody hell takes two hands to clap. so, okay maybe i'm too much and getting out of hand.

I DUNNO.

okay so i'll try to be nice. and to respect. and to talk nicely.

but i hated it when you said i did badly for promos! oh my fuck do you know that i improved!?!?!? and that's the bloody point okay. dont come and tell me that i didnt do too well. because you dont know whats happening in school. you dont even ask. and then. you tell me to buck up. of course i will okay. i know. i know i know.


okay i'll be sensible. i'll do everything that is right and nice at home. and i'm not gonna act like oh how so badly i'm gonna be affected when they get married. and how sad he chased my sister away because she's moving in.


things just happen. and i'm gonna just accept it. and yeah. NO BIG DEAL.

but stop planning out my life for me. or even force me to do it.

no one really cares

OP sucks. hai. i suck la. i'm not good at it. i'm not good at speaking in front of crowds. my confidence level is basically, zero. hahaha. okay maybe not so bad. just that ms ye said i spoke too quickly, a little soft, monotone, bla bla bla. damn it. so depressing. and the Q&A part also gone. fucking hellllllllllllllllllll i hate it. i hate to be inconfident. i hate it when people say i'm quiet. i just hate it. haha. i dunno what's my problem since i am quiet by nature. but fuck. i dunno. it's me, it's not me, it's me, it's not.

okay full of shit. forget that.

today was nice! hahahah pri sch outing. supposedly.. in the end only gladys, jocelyn and me turned up. so 3 of us went to sentosa. we had a fun, relaxing time.. just lying down on the sand. and get cooked. i'm darker now so happy! hahaha. then yeah. one class from jjc came along. and clara and meiyee were there! said hi and stuff. hahaha. so happy again to see old friends. yea. so we soaked in the sun for about 3 hours... then went to eat at sakae! nice nice. but not the buffet one though. yeah.. then we went to vivocity. sat on the stairs there at the rooftop. sooo nice! cooling weather and all... then we took pictures. today is super NUA DAY. hahahha. lying, stoning, sitting. only at the end we walked around a little. then home with gladys. hahahah. love pri sch gang. we should hang out more la.. and give ourselves a name. hopefully the christmas/coundown thing will be on.

and then yesterday, last day of school. got back our result slips. not very happy stuffs.. forget it. then after school went out with raine, grace and jing yu. haha. went to marina square. subway. walk walk walk, talk talk talk. haha. met sean.. then jx and melvin.. met melvin's friends at the vilage. then... starbucks, sean's house. hahahah.

so fucking op dryrun is up next. then chinese a levels. then the real op. then odac odac odac. KRABI! and studies studies studies. it never ends. it never ends until december next year. yeah, so look forward to that.

what mr lam said to us that they was quite.. erm motivational i guess.. something like.. no matter how stressful and miserable it gets, it's just 2 years, and it'll end before you know it. so press on, and dont stop loving yourself. hahahah. means something to me. well...

so much to learn.
so much to improve on.





fuck.



confidence!
confidence!

it's not something you feel, but something you act.