hai hai hai hai. it should end now. enough. one more time and i'm gonna spoil everything.

piano lesson cancelled today. so i reached home quite early. and slept. another of those moody days.

cny was.......... err. really nothing. visited only 2 houses? and saw the rest during the reunion lunch. worst and worst each year. nothing to talk about to my cousins. actually got la... but all awkward and all that fuck. very sad. but it was nice to see them again... knowing how they're doing now.

argh.

another example of how screwed my family is. my cousin got married and my dad didnt tell me or my sis. and wow, we only knew during the lunch. and i totally felt great about that. sigh. he probably thinks that we are too busy to even care. just. fuck.

thanks. not involved in a family.








never mind.. optimism. no big deal.



stupid vertical marathon.

stupid music exams.

stupid block test.

stupid a levels.

stupid DRAC.

go figure.

stupid family.






there's more to life. waiting for my calling. haha.

time to think about what the hell to do in the future.





anyway went out with mum and sis, and zak on monday. watched midnight movie. dinner. pool. was nice.... but quarelled with sis again. i failed. only can meet them once in a while. and... i screwed it up. wow. pissing everyone around me off.

tuesday. with jx, matthew, benedict, melvin. CSed which wasnt fun this time.

cant believe you're lying and acting your way through everything. nice life you're living.

long bridge.

hypocrisy.










wednesday back to school. odac. trained for VM. ha. prepare to die.

haha. half the battle lost.

yay.

guy next street,

is impossible.





haha.

pleading to everyone out there: please leave real sharkfin's eating only to cnys. so that you can enjoy sharkfins for more years. and your children can have a taste of sharkfins.








no reunion dinner. but reunion lunch just now at some restaurant. was pretty nice. met the see-once-in-a-year relatives. wasnt much fun. no like group chatting. everyone on their own. very heartwarming indeed. sigh.

anyway. xin nian kuai le everyone.










SLACK TIME.

as usual.

oh god. our cat jazz died, and i didnt know. until now. what the fuck is wrong with me? i've been so busy. only home late at night. i know i've not been seeing him around, for like 2 days already. and i didnt bother to ask my sis or my dad.

so he jumped off the window in the middle of the night on monday? and people please tell me what day is it now. i only found out 3 days later. that my PET DIED.

please just kill me. how ignorant i can be.

why?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!? and i dont understand why my sis didnt tell me.

what the fuck. really.















jazz...



























see how screwed up my family is. ZERO communication.

so now we are 3 selfish individuals living our own lives under one fucking roof. no sharing. not knowing what the fuck is going on with each other.

this is really depressing.

and cny. HA. no feelings of a bloody new year. no joy. no decorations. no food. no new clothes. nothing new. no cleaning up of house. no bloody cousins to visit. maybe only one or two uncles.

just.. whatever.

really nice.

really comforting.

really wonder how i've been able to stay optimistic about life.

no love.

alone at home.













perhaps since now it's chinese new year, i have to do something.


its really very sad.


hai. piano exam coming up. both practical and theory. 6 march and 10 march. and... i have to spend most of my time now and most of cny doing music and practising piano. i have to do it. do well. i must.

and screw studies. continue sleeping in lectures richalynn. you're really doing very well. just dont stop sleeping. a levels is still fucking far away.

so confused right now.

but oh well. one at a time.










valentines day was rather nice. had odac. after tt the "lonely hearts club" haha went to have dinner together at the thai shop there near our sch.. then went to the playground. and climbed onto that spider web thing. was really nice. just talking. love such times. cheryl, serene, ziyi, edmund, lester, nat and me. haha.

met melvin and jx after that.





guess i have to deal with all these on my own. no one really cares. so it seems. not that i'm blaming.. but everyone has their own set of problems. and mines not the worst. so just forget it. anyway i'm not one who really shares problems with people.

sometimes i just so hope there's someone who's really with me.

with me.














hai... and so it happens again. stuck. left there hanging. waiting. thinking. hoping.

but will never happen.

one sided.






no mood................................................

"i understand why you have to do this"

"thanks"

but i wish you didnt have to"

"me too"























"i love you"



















god.





back to work!!!

bio test. maths test. gp compre. chem tutorial.

BURN THEM ALL!!!!









haha.






06.

heya. sigh. super sssssssiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnn. ARGH. already only a few hours left to next SCHOOL DAY. to a bloody monday. and, i have not finished up one work. and there's this stupid geog grp work, which totally sucks as well. and how did i spent the whole sunday afternoon? sleeping. damn cool. so cool. best thing to do. i tried ok... i sat down at my study table. my work in front of me. i so wanted to finish up everything. i was doing compre, and nothing i read got into my bloody head. every 10 mins i got up to walk and get something to eat. but there's freaking nothing in the fridge. i transfered my study area to the bed. ahahaha. a little better, but in the end still fell asleep.

sigh............................................................................ why the fuck? shouldnt be sleeping so much. shouldnt be feeling tired so easily. this period of life should be like the peak in terms of energy level.

just shut up.

but i think i know why doing anything is so sian. cause there is one thing that tops everything else in the world. for now. haha. OC!

that's the dumbest thing. but i have to finish it up ASAP. then i can go back to normal life. sigh.

gp movie in vivo, orienteering dryrun and solonight recce in pulau ubin. colour of that day: yellow and white. haha. SOOOOOOOO HAPPY CAN...............................................

week of oc. probably cant anymore next week.


OH NO!!! TEAMBUILDING GAMES.

shit.

weird week. not much homework. no odac. everyday going home early, and drowning myself in a world of OC. yeah i know it's kinda abit late to watch OC. but... haha. it's been long since i had this. every moment just wanna insert the cd and lie on the sofa and watch a show for hours straight. hahahha i like la. i know i'm wasting time and being hooked will cause me to neglect work. but ahh.. fuck it.

uh oh.

monday we watched APOCALYPTO. which is really goooooooooooooooooood. oh my god. touches your heart.

oh yeah which reminds me. our gp teacher miss lee who never fails to inspire me with her GREAT knowledge about everything in the world. exposing us to cultural literacy. and that time... she discussed with us about movies. how to make movie watching more meaningful. gotta learn. haha. which is to look out for signs, symbols, how the sounds, lightings, angle and distance from the camera mean something, words used. hahahah i know i'm making this sound totally boring. but anyway. gotta look deeper into things.

so, jx sean and i watch APOCALYPTO together.. trust me about movies babies.

tuesday onwards, OC. and OC. okay so it's only 2 days. i think i'm gonna spend CNY watching.

i hate work-related things now.

sigh............................................ wanna stick around here for some time. not here as in here. but you know, own world, doing own things.

















gotta sort things out.

sigh.










"i want this to work... no matter what"

for so long, every evening, the view from my block.

the different sunsets.

i dont wanna miss one.

haha. weekends are here! and i have nothing on. only thing to do now is tutorials and hw. and practise piano. and do music theory... and do odac stuffs.

sigh just feel like slacking and do nothing la... quite sadly i woke up at 1pm today.. and wasted a whole lot of hours... just ate and bathe and now i'm here.

this week was not bad.

wednesday.. cross country! at east coast park. odac didnt get to run... only qihui joshua and jason ran. and the rest of us were marshals. i didnt really do anything. just stood there and looked at people run past us . and miss ye was standing with me. and we just talked and observe people together haha. really really happy for jingyu, qihui and others, who managed to get into top 20!! the feeling must be great la. sadly in my 6 years of cross-country-ing.... NOTHING. haha.

after odac just stayed together.. ate at BK. then we went cycling for around 3hours... after tt some of us went to yumin's house to watch soccer! very fun!!!! hahahah. i really dont watch soccer and know nuts about it. but watching with a bunch of good friends is really nice! hahaha. the first goal from singapore was WOW la. then 2nd half the score became 1 all. and all those controversial shit that happened during the last 10 mins or so was really quite amusing. and so singapore won 2-1. tomorrow's match!!!

thursday... nothing much. school. first aid refresher. haha. then went to meet BMS!

friday... odac. oec dryrun 2. ok la.. better than last week. we oec taskforce have much to learn and improve on.

after tt we did PT! hahaha. very fun. we did pushups in one circle. one by one and i think we did around 1000 altogether already! haha.

then TLBS. hahahahha. vertical marathon group! "the litle black sheeps" hahahahhaha. ok. our first training together. climbed up and down the gallery. tiring ok! haha. die die. it's not so easy. 66 storeys. i really dont want to hold back the group. yuda, jason, ziyi, cheryl and me. =))))))))))) we can do it!!!!!!!

odac dinner after tt.

reached home watched tv and slept!











so many things to do, but i'm only doing not even half of them. sigh. seeing people down... and there's nothing i can do except to lend a listening ear. and even so, i feel so lousy cause i suck at that.


















i wanna watch all the movies in the world!!!!!!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HONGYI!

haha. just came back from celebrating his birthday in vivo.. hahah. had a nice time.. with pri sch friends. gladys, alan, mj, wx, hy and i.. ahah. we had dinner in asian kitchen? then went up to the water there.. sat and talked and took pictures and sang his birthday song. niceeeeeeeeee place plus company. love them! next up, yvonne's birthday. plus cny. hahah.

I HAVE TO WATCH PAINTED VEIL.

MUST MUST MUST!!!!!!!!!!

and i tell you babel, the illusionist, and blood diamond. 3 GOOOOOD and should watch movies that i've watched this year. cant stop thinking about them!

edward norton. fav actor now.






yesterday was super sway. late for sch. and kena casey leong's scolding. but quite amusing la his sarcasm. plus during maths tutorial also scolded by mdm kwan.. for not doing tutorial.


i just hate maths la my god!

cry.





at night celebrated sis' birthday. with mum dad and charlynn. east coast park's long beach seafood restaurant. ok only la................

happy birthday to sister too!

you're really the coolest person on earth.

haha.








oec oec oec oec oec. sigh.







only one wish from today onwards.

everybody must watch babel

sunday sunday sunday. sigh. with lots of work to complete.

no one to blame but myself.

laziness.

procrastination.

anyway. lots of fun since friday! friday was oec dryrun 1. haha. didnt turn out too well... a lot of commotion over the games. and station masters were mostly not ready. sigh. so... hopefully next fri's one will be MUCH better. we've done it before, we can do it again! although this time the tone have to change abit cause it's OEC.

anyway after the dryrun, oec taskforce discussed some stuffs a while.. and did some pacing and timing thing for next day's recce. haha. and after that cheryl, geok and me went running again. this time 2.4km. hehe so proud of ourselves. lol. we should do it everytime after odac la. running in the night. the feeling's so nice. plus tt night it was drizzling. even better. and then... bunch of us sat at the gallery there and just relaxed and talked. haha. it's all these little moments that really count.

waited for ltc taskforce and we went to have dinner.

after that i met SEANIE. hahahha. at west mall.. and we watched BABEL! 2nd time i watch M18 movie! its really one good show you know. its about... this couple of innocent boys in morroco, did something and led to a chain of events in 4 corners of the globe. can really see the ugliness of people. and the desperation in others. and yes it's love that can save it all.

yesterday! oec recce in pulau ubin AGAIN. i can live there already la. we walked and walked again. at least 15km i guess? haha. but it was enjoyable. oec taskforce plus mr liang and miss lee. lovable teachers. haha. we walked. did orienteering. and then yuda and minqi came too. solonight taskforce!! hahahah. walked the routes again. this time needed pacing and lots of mental calculations. haha. gonna see mr ho on monday and hopefully everything works out as planned!

in PU from 1130am to 630pm. hmmm. 7 hours of walking. nice.

when it finally ended, we went somewhere nearby and ate zu cao. hahah. and watched soccer at the same time. singapore against malaysia and singapore won! ahhaha. tt lewis guy. damn cool can. lol. i know nuts about soccer la.

went home with minqi and miss lee in a cab.

practised piano. wanted to relax a while. but ended up sleeping on the sofa.

cannot like this anymore!!!!!!!!

i'm gonna die man. studies. i never see myself put so much effort in it. unlike piano and odac. like wtf?

haha.

lunch time.








are you for real?