just looking is enough to kill.

ran up 30 storeys today! twice. 4 mins and 5 mins. which is quite unbelievable. i really want this badly. right, melvin my lover! we can do this!!! 9 MINS! haha. vertical marathon. cant wait. SEE YOU AT THE TOP. come cheer for us this sunday 2nd march. lol.

and when the hell is the results gonna come out!!! argh. really cant wait already. i need to know how i did. so i have an idea, and i wont feel so floatish now.

maybe i should just heck care already and not think so much! this is anyway the last chance ever to live life anyhow. once uni starts, i dunno. yeah, make this year special. do all the crazy things in the world and ENJOY!!! be myself, be childish, be naughty. just whatever la and do how i feel.

i so wanna run up the mountains, play in the fields, and float on the sea. i wanna stand at the edge of the biggest waterfall in the world and jump down.

i really wanna relive the moment at the oxbow lake in sabah.

SIGH.

FUCK THAT BASTARD WHO TOOK OUR RABBITS AWAY!!!!!!!! i'm really so angry, so worried, so sad.

its really. FUCK HIM. die die die die!!!!

seriously. why!?!?!?!??!

you really had to steal them in the middle of the night. you really had to take the cage and everything away. you really had to bloody steal RABBITS. URGH.

just like that, gone forever.

i am so sorry...

SIGH.

i should really really really snap out of this bullshit, before i drown myself in a deep pool of embarrassment.

i should really really really work like an adult.

haha.

yeah, i should really make an effort to learn something from my job. and not just slack around. hai.

hai hai hai.

looking forward to

A levels results.

vertical marathon.

hong kong trip.

learning driving.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

i've been thinking a lot about what i wanna do after A's. and i think i'll be so damn happy after the last paper. i wanna read lots of books, play tales of symphonia, resident evil, and all the games i have in game cube, i wanna go cyling at pulau ubin, i wanna go to all the places in singapore i've not been to in a long time. i wanna catch up with all the people that i miss a lot. i wanna go back and play in alumni band. i wanna go overseas, wherever. I WANNA GO BACK TO SABAH. sigh. i wanna clean my room, and the house. i wanna learn cooking. i wanna work in the zoo. i wanna play lots of piano. i wanna have a nice family christmas, i wanna see the lights again. i wanna watch all the movies that i like and that i've missed. wanna watch oc, nip tuck, prison break, and all of it. i wanna climb mountains. i just want A's to be over soon. now.

NONE accomplished.

what the hell????????? this is so disappointing. haha.

sigh.

honestly, i actually dont enjoy working in bbss. for now. i dunno why but i'm just not happy there, generally. though it seems like we TAs have fun working together. and meeting new people and getting to know them is fun as well. but there's just something missing. something that feels BIG and should be there and with it missing, makes all of it empty. i really have no idea what the shit i am talking about. but this is a definitely must not happen in the future when working becomes life. SIGH.

depressed depressed depressed.

at least now i know this isnt for me. i think.

not office.
not teaching.

then what the fuck.

maybe like a mount kinabalu guide.

i should just relax, chill. like what mathangi always says.

self esteem is going down down down down down down down.

fuck it. fuck you.

and, thats enough. let it stay as there.

healthy lifestyle from now on. vertical marathon here we come!!!!!!!!!!!!!

they're all younger, richalynn.

starting to feel the pressures from my job. mainly the judgments and prejudices from people. i've been quite careless. making all the silly mistakes. probably put myself into the black books of some teachers. but i'll learn from my mistakes la. and try harder. i just have to settle down and get into it and get used to it. sigh. probably this job will harden me. hearing all the silly comments, sometimes insulting, from some students. it gets to me. but i shall be strong and courageous lol. i've got lots lots lots lots to learn. especially when facing a class of students. HOW is the biggest problem right now. how to handle difficult people. how to present myself properly. how to make sure i dont get affected when i am not liked. i do realise i cant be likable to every single one. "be myself" says richalynn. haha. but then again i cant totally be myself. have to act like a teacher. argh i'm just confusing myself right now.

maybe i should just conclude that, i am not cut out to be a teacher.

haha.

i guess.. i'll slowly learn and pick things up. if i could just believe in myself more. and i'm really thankful to have shida as my work mate.

one of the 8 habits of mind: finding humor in everything.

anyway.. it has been a good week. going for band after school. i'm still as enthusiastic as ever. haha. then jogging with ttb, melvin. have been trying my best to come home early everyday. at least i show that i care. putting in more effort into this house and family. sigh. why does it have to come this way...

right now i'm just gonna do whatever that is right.

it couldnt have gotten any sexier.

OH MY GOD.

i just look forward to seeing some people everyday.

they make the day count.

i really wanna blog, but nothing seems to be coming out.

it feels like i'm just floating through life right now.

waiting for things to happen.

i should just lay my two feet on the ground and do something.

but whats there to do!

theres a lot.

but the word

laziness

is taking over my life.

it has always been.















sigh.

i really want the band to prosper again.








emptiness.

yes.

thats probably the most accurate word to describe how i feel right now.

2008!

and just now we were talking about how the world will kind of end in 2012. type 2012 in yahoo and go find out! 4 more years?

okay better not.

i had the most fun last days of 2007. ttb and weixing staying over at my house. doing jigsaw puzzle. sean, matt and ben coming over. and new years with mathan, ttb, sean, jx and melvin, and my sis and dad! it couldnt have gotten any better.

thank you for the memories.