this is shit isnt it.

raining now and it feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeels so good. how i wish i could just go out and run in the rain to no where.

but of course, that's only in dramas.

anyway...... FINALLY the freaking week is over. i've not been enjoying. no no no no. sucks. sucks. sucks. i want to go back to sec sch!

okay that is silly. one must learn to adapt.

argh!

i've been worrying about cca. i thought i could happily join touch rugby. but i realised NO. i cannot. i just dont enjoy myself there. the day always ends up depressingly. so i was thinking like crazy. wanted to join band. but what the hell they have practices on saturdays from 9 to 4. i dont mind that, BUT it clashes with my alumni band.. i dont think i will want to sacrifice that. especially when people i love are there. so no band. SIGH. i would really love to join. but oh well. so i thought of track and field. and then today i went for ODAC's briefing... it was alright................... the good thing is that we get to do a lot of activities like rock climbing, kayaking, night cycling etc. learn outdoor skills, first aid. have camps. overseas trip. AND TO MOUNT KINABALU THIS JUNE. (melvin i'm thinking of you and laughing) haha. my dream since sec 1. and to nepal end of this year. but the thing is, from now till june is the selection period. so we have to be super good students, with commitment, initiative, and the other 2 i forgot already. haha. anyway and there's lots of planning and organising and writing of proposals.. it's quite scary... and even more when i have not been in any leadership position before. this sucks. i suck. sigh. but hey come on look at the bright side. this is a great chance!!!! for me to GROW. and stop hiding in my shell. BE CONFIDENT. yeah. my biggest problem in my life. SIGH.

SO, yeah. set. ODAC.

so... problem number 1 solved.

2nd problem is.... something that i shouldnt say in here.

and then studies and all that crap. should be quite alright. i quite like my tutors. and my class is great.

it's so hard to settle down.

i feel so restricted. maybe cause i worry too much. i think too much. i read too much into things.

things are just FINE. fine. FINE.

nothing is wrong.

haha.

sigh

fuck.

feeling like shit now. sigh.

i

feel

damn

neglected.

what is so wrong?

with me?

with you?

been telling, reminding, trying.












it's just not where i belong.

so leave? or try harder.




solution: dont give a shit.

depression

haha.. okay here goes.

Instructions: The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of their perfect lover. Specify the gender of the target. Tag 8 victims to join this game and leave a comment on their page saying they've been tagged. If tagged the 2nd time, there's no need to post again.

lol.

gender: male.

so..

number 1. sporty. yeah..

2. musically inclined. best is play piano!!

3. pleasant looking?? haha. i actually am quite attracted to nerdy-cute kind. haha. cool. tall. tanned. etc.

4. funny. very on type one.. i dont care if you're vulgar or not. mature. bla.

5. generous.

6. of course you have to love me the way i am. haha.

7. romantic yeah.. small gestures can already. lol.

8. lol. clean.

okay.

quite crappy.

gonna watch american idol now.

bye!

what a blast!

this is the most fun march holidays i ever had in my life! i think. haha.

the only regret i have is...... i didnt study at all. not one bit.

anyway i had a whole lot of fun! spent it with many people. BMS. pri sch friends. jc friends. mummy and charlynn.

made me realise that.. there are actually a lot a lot a lot of nice people around. and i should really not get into depression over.. some stupid things.

anyway... monday... i forgot what i did. haha. guess i stayed home or something. aiya.

then tuesday. went to escape with mel, darren, xuefen, linus. hahhahaha. was real nice. having spent time with them. hahahaha. love you all! we tried most of the rides.. not any thrilling enough. but i love the viking one.. hahahhaa. can really feel the g-force thing. you know the ticklish feeling in your tummy. hahahahaha! so shuang! and some others... quite alright.. plus the haunted house total bullshit. haha. then we went to orchard while xuefen went ice skating. haha. ate and stuff. arcade, visited my mum. played pool. i also met sean, jia xin , melvin and sean's friends.. haha. yeah. then... i went to my mum's place to stay over. spent the whole of wednesday in her house. with charlynn. whole day watched movies. cartoons. little mermaid, hercules, shrek. hahhahahaha. quite nice... then went home at night.

thursday. CG outing! to sentosa. was great! we just erm... played in the sea. played captain's ball, soccer... yeah.. love the sun! and i freaking fell from a tree. wanted to climb onto the rock.. then slipped and fell. hahahaha. knocked my backbone on the trunk. could have been paralyzed lol. anyway. yeah.. we went from palawan beach to siloso beach. i was buried for a moment too! damn hot and tight. and some of them lol! shaped big breasts for me. ahhahaha. kinda lame.. but anyway. love them so!!! haha. at night went to meet some of my OG 20 friends.. alwin, casper, jazreel, hakim, ming li, cheryl, kee wei and me. yeah 8 of us only. so called OG outing. haha. played pool, ate and chit chatted in BK. was alright. just hope we could be more bonded. really nice and funny people. then home.

friday, hahahahhaha sentosa again!!!! this time with primary school friends. was totally fun. really really really love love love and treasure this group of people. i mean, we are still meeting up after 4 years of leading different lives and stuff. haha. must really thank people like alan, gladys, jocelyn.. hahaha. the organisers. and the rest of us who love each other and are so ready to meet up any time. hahahaha. wanna name them. haha. alan, gladys, jocelyn, yvonne, hongyi, mingjie, tian bee, weixing, cat, karen etc. and of course the whole of 6.1. always remembered.
anyway, we played in the sea most of the time. and other ball games like touch rugby, volleyball, captains ball, frisbee, soccer?? haha. yeah.. also met some of hongyi's classmates. all smarties. HC people. yeah. chatted a lot. tanned. i'm like super dark now. haha. but i like it! lol. then we went to cine for dinner. kobayashi or something like that. then took neoprints. home. i fell down again. hahahha. this time into a drain. my whole right leg sank into the gap somewhere at the drain there. soooo paiseh if people saw. haha. i'm getting clumsier. sigh.

today... sean's birthday. hahhaa. so sad i missed alumni band prac! woke up late. and then too lazy to go already. sigh! then met melvin jia xin and birthday boy at jurong east. went to town. we watched movie and took neoprints. V for vendetta! oh my god i love that show! although it's quite hard to understand but some sort i did. haha. V is really............................. urgh. attractive. the way he speaks and moves. haha. mysterious ways are dieable. then we met kevin, clarice and joel. had dinner together at NYDC. ate icecream. walked around. then home... quite sian for a birthday. so sorry sean! feel quite bad.

haha! so that's my week. last day tomorrow. gonna go church and meet up with tian bee for a movie. then school reopens! oh my! work time! no more play. hahahaha. prioritise! A's is your biggest problem now. no love, no crush, no no no no no no. hhahaha. concentrate on friends, studies, cca, and everything except worrying about "love" and whatever.

what the heck am i talking about man..... just! aiya. make the best out of everything!

sajc rocks!

accept, let go, move on.

i wasted the whole sunday sleeping!

haha. anyway yesterday was totally great. first i had my music theory exam.. which was alright.. i guess that's a merit for me there. haha. then went with my dad to do some stuffs.. went home.. watched tv.. slept.. at night went for alumni band! which rocked as usual.. then stayed over in school. as they had camps and stuff.. so i hung around.. with mathangi, syafiq, daniel, fadly, casper etc.. some of the rest came too.. mathangi went home.. then left syafiq fadly and daniel and me.. we sat around at the fitness corner there.. basketball court there.. bench there.. telling ghost stories and playing cards.. hahahhaa. was quite fun.. relaxing and stuff. but i wasnt freaked out luckily.. i'm so brave! lol. we also looked at stars. hahahahhaa. so nice. then i couldnt take it anymore at 5 plus and slept a while.. at the bench then in the band room. haha. woke up at 7 plus... then went for breakfast with daniel, fadly and libin.. played basketball! haha. then went home.. met sean and he came to my house.. played piano while i fell asleep and totally left him alone.. hahaha. so sorry!

yep, so i had a good good good good good time. i so miss my sec sch friends.

so march holidays... i'm suppose to revise my work and prepare for term 2.. but seems like i'm not gonna have time for it. haahaha. think only wednesday and sunday free. got a few gatherings and stuff. haha! exciting!!!

sigh term 2... must really prepare for a whole lot of shit.

reality check.

heya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahhaa. i'm kinda excited now... cause so many great things have happened. and thank God for this wonderful week!

first it was orientation 2. SAINTALDEIA! i was in OG 20. which is quite rockable. quite on. and i had fun! cheering and playing the games. oh man!!!!! i miss the times! and disco night last night. also rocked! aaaaahhhhh just love to let myself go and shout and scream and do whatever i want. hai. anyway yeah. OG 20 rocks!!!!!! definitely will treasure the friends i've made. miss them! haha. and my tribe IVANA won 3rd prize!!!! was totally shocked. cause we are supposedly the softest in cheering. and smallest tribe. hahahahahhaha. so happy! i so wanna talk about every single thing that happened.. but nah... too much. well, highlights: every game. disco night. og dinner. cheering. me going on stage with the "longest" hair. soooo embarrassing! hahahahhaha. induction. decorating the banner. awesome OGLs. boon kiat and yuan ling!!! and never forgetting mayhwee and wee keat. haha. all of them!

aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. dunno how many thanks and likings i wanna express to all my friends.

and then today... back to normal school day. got into our CGs already.. i'm in 06S21! got cheryl, ain and nizhen. and some of them i know already.. and the rest.. well... later! after march hols. haha. gotta love them cause we're gonna have hell of a lot of time to spend together.

anyway!!!! just now... mel, darren, linus and i went out together. XUE FEN SHOULD HAVE COME. haha. yeah.. we went to kovan to bowl but no lanes available. then went to mel's house. hahaha. played badminton. with freaking wind. so not successful. then went to junction 8 for dinner. yep and 4 of us had a nice chat, i guess. hahahaha.

i'm just gonna accept things. and not try too hard to insist otherwise.

yeah... so just let it be!

you know.......... asking God to grant me the courage to accept the things i cannot change.

haha.

kinda not depressing man! first time this kinda shit happen to me. i'm not some stalker or desperate-for-you-girl!

so yeah! forget it!

lesson learnt fullstop

gotta lighten up. nothing to worry. no no to perfection.

sajc!

hahahhahaha. hello!!!!! i'm so happy now! cause i'm in sajc. i think i'll like my og. and ming li is in the same og with me!!!!! hahahahaha. i mean.. we're kinda good friends before. and now we're in the same school and all that!! hope our friendship continues to blossom!!! hhahhahaa. okay. damn happy. and a few from og 14 now also same og. that's great! hope next week will be a great great one. haha. and then.. some people also leaving sajc.. like ming wei.. ze feng.. maziah.. thiam chai.. tracy.. etc.. will miss them so!!! have to make sure our friendships dont just end here. all the best to them.

hahahhaha. anyway first 3 months.. wanna talk about it a little. it was.. actually okay. not that very great or exciting. but the friends i made and people i met, i love them so!!!!!!! and i wanna thank them for their friendships. people from OG 14. 06S16. touch rugby. and others who i know through friends and stuff. haha!

although i wasnt the most vocal everywhere i go... but.. yeah.. i really enjoyed every moment in school. and the most kind teachers. and touch rugby which is so fun. and also playing basketball during almost every break. haha. eating with the class. sitting at the fitness corner there.. and that one last week of exciting things with my class!!!!! made me really really lucky and glad that i'm in this class. haha. enjoyed the bbq night. and the walks and chats and plays. plus listening to a few of them talking about God. was totally... i dunno. felt guilty actually. like it was a reminder. yeah..

anyway today went for alumni band. which totally rocks as well. love playing!!!!!! my trombone. and playing in a band. BBSS alumni band all the way!!!!!!!!!

loving my life now. hahahaha. looking forward to stuffs. 2 years in sajc!!!

anyway stuffs to settle before term 2 starts. haha.

studies.......................................
buy uniform.
buy bag.
do something to my hair. lol.
be more confident!
do not judge/hate people.
treasure every moment.
and dont hide.
dont run.
be brave.


hahahaha.. whatever.... anyway music theory exam coming..

haha. okay.

love actually. is. all around.

hahahahha. oh no love actually started already.

okay wait.

anyway i had a good week. i guess.

dont really remember anything.

but. yesterday i skipped touch rugby. hahaha. and then mel, xue fen, darren and i went to visit linus. and we did the.. actually nothing. played cards.. jenga.. talk. play piano. watch tv. hahaha. hope he gets well soon.

anyway.... one more week! and then O2. march holidays.

i've been hardworking this weekend! first time in year 2006!

i finished some stuffs already. and later i'll continue. i hope.

plus music theory exam coming up.

life is full of excitement.

and british movies rock.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. so cute! love actually.

hmmmm... just enjoy!

aint that bad.

love!!! love!!! love!!!

just wanna let all my friends know. and ALL i mean. that i truly treasure you all. never wanna lose nobody.

haha!

i murdered my fish

hello!

yesterday and today was great.

but sigh i'm so so so so stupid. killed my poor goldfish. i tried to help it survive but then...... died the next morning. anyway from 20 fishes down to 1. all died due to water poisoning. then i placed the survivor in a little glass container, filled it to near the brim. and then thinking that the fish will try to jump out of the water, i placed a piece of cloth over it.

OH MY GOD how stupid can that get. placing a CLOTH over the container filled with water.

yeah so somehow the cloth got into contact with the water. and you know what happens next.

SIGH....................................................... what the helllllllllllll. you know that kind of feeling, when you try to save something yet you made it worse. oh my. i'm sorry fishy.

thursday! okay i tripped mel. during basketball. she fell and sprained her ankle. it was quite bad and now she's on crutches and her dance exam is coming next month.

why am i making so many mistakes nowadays??

anyway. bunch of us went to the hospital to visit her.

then today. it was quite enjoyable. finally saw qiling. and then had chapel. civics. PE. and the two tutorials. i simply love PE. haha.

and then after school... touch rugby cancelled. waited with yinxi.. for her friend.. we chatted.. did work.. and then yinxi, ni zhen, tracy, the 3 guys went for dinner together and then to mel's house. haha. i tried to play the piano. talked and played games. yeah had a nice time.

anyway it's really a damn small world! yinxi's good friend is my good friend's good friend. haha! joanne. plus their bination clique. so cool!

and then.... i should really start a repertoire of my own. hahahahaha. it's really loser-ish to sit at the piano and say "i dont know how to play anything". oh my god! haha. but that's gonna take like 5 years. sigh.

tomorrow is gonna be a busy day! alumni band in the morning. acjc thing in the afternoon. og gathering at night. hahahaha. fun-ness!

and perhaps i'm gonna quit catechism class. sinner me. but i really dont know.. i just think it's not useful.. and i'm not gonna be in it just because of confirmation. sigh.

and oh holy holy holy! work is getting tough! haha.

bio-need to read through every notes and understand everything. do tutorial.

chem-"""""""""."".

maths-do homework. read through partial fractions.

geog-read sec4 textbook. do homework.

actually the problem is, no revision done. so yeah. by 2nd intake, i must get those done...

sigh.

sian.

love S16.
love OG14.
love jiaxin.
love.... yeah those that i love.
love cats!

feel the love

i love josh hartnett.

i love johnny depp.

i love cillian murphy.

i love brad pitt.

i love huang tian cai.

i love jim carrey.

i love jude law.

i love ralph fiennes.

i love british guys.

i love nice people.




okay.

valentine's... well well well.

today was okay.. stayed home in the afternoon.. watched tv.. packed my room and stuff. and then met jia xin at night. along with her bunch of bisexual friends. super nice people! and some of them are cute. hahahahha. and then we had dinner together. with a big group of i dont know who people. talked and stuff.. i was quite out anyway. didnt know no one.

yeah.. met sean too.. plus kevin clarice and some girl.

after that jia xin and i left them.. we went to play pool. was alright. love pool! pool is cool.

haha. then we went back home.

so conclusion.

okay day.

sigh.

yesterday had cg outing. hahaha. was nice! but too bad i joined them later. missed some fun. had piano exam in the morning. it was alright i guess..... not too bad.. scales one mistake. pieces a few mistakes. sight reading was perfect i hope. and then aural... last question i didnt answer well. should have said there was an accellerando, instead of "it got faster". hahaha.. so, pray for the best results!

then the outing. haha! someone and someone got something on between them. haha. i feel so naughty, wanting do stuffs.

anyway yeah we cycled and skated. and then. bowling. dinner. pool. went home with yin xi and ain. and waited for linus. and then four of us. took mrt together.

so...... last day tomorrow. gonna go kbox. and then maybe go back to bbss for band. at night piano lesson.

oh shit shit shit. havent done any work.

maybe i can do now??

as if i will.

sigh.

more breaks please.